So I started talking to this girl a few days ago, last night we agree to meet up for some drinks. While we were drinking I already got the feeling that this lady was weird as shit just by some of the odd compliments she would give me like “You’re super cute and most cute boys just want sex” (damn they’ve figured us out guiz). Anyhoo after that comment It was basically set in stone that this wasn’t turning into anything.
So we go back to her place, get drunk and do…..things. While we’re laying in bed she starts talking about how she doesn’t get mad except when people interrupt her talking. She then says she went to jail for a few days for stabbing a girl with a fucking chop stick in the chest because she interrupted her at lunch in high school.
After – as you can imagine- a really fucking ridiculous awkward moment of silence she then says “Have you stabbed anybody”? Like it was something everyone has done at least once in their life… like mardi gras or something. So after I whimpered an absurdly nervous chuckle she starts massaging my temples with her thumbs. I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it out alive to share this story with you guys. I have this ridiculous fear of being shot in the back of the head, but at that moment my temples were close enough to the back of my head where I was petrified for my life with those fucking death chopstick fingers scrounging around. The end p.s. I’m alive!!