Top 5 Sexiest — I Mean, Creepiest Amazon Items

 

1. Boob Enhancing Soap

Boob Enhancing Soap
Boob Enhancing Soap
Who needs expensive breast enhancement surgeries when you’ve got SOAP?

2. Showerboob Soap

Shower boobies!
Shower boobies!
For that super creepy man in your life. ♥♥♥

3. The Ball Lifter

The Ball Lifter
The Ball Lifter
For the man in your life who needs a “bit more support” in certain departments.

4. My Pink Wink… Anal Brightening Cream

My Pink Wink, great name!
My Pink Wink, great name!
This is the best product name ever.

5. Bacon Flavored Lubricant

Boink and Oink!
Boink and Oink!
Nope, wait, this one is better… Boink and Oink. brb dying

4 Tips for Safety in Online Dating

Both real dating and online dating can have dangers. Most people are awesome and just looking to meet other awesome people — but as you might have guessed or even experienced, there are some Grade A Creepers out there, too. It can be especially dangerous on the internet, and you have to take some special steps to protect yourself. And men — this goes for you, too! Everyone should be cautious dating online, regardless of their gender or the gender of their chosen partner. Partners of any gender can get creepy, so it’s important for everyone to protect their physical safety when dating. In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff — but unfortunately, we do have to worry about it.

1. Be Careful Where and What You Share

You don't need to be hit by a hacker to be in danger.
You don’t need to be hit by a hacker to be in danger.
Be careful where you share your online dating profile. A link to your dating profile on your Facebook might not be protected. There’s no reason to hide that you’re dating online — but don’t post a link to your profile in public on Facebook. If someone you know wants to see your profile and you’re comfortable sharing with them, send the link in a private message or e-mail. Don’t post it in public. The public is full of creeps, and you don’t want those creeps to have your link. Be careful of what you put on your profile. Too much information is a bad thing — some people are really, really good at using the Internet to find out all sorts of things. These things usually don’t occur to most people… for example:
  • Posting your general location (even “Northern New Jersey” for example) and the type of work you do, if that work is rare, could help someone figure out exactly where you work. If your occupation is “Organic Grassfed Chicken Tamer” and there’s only one organic grassfed chicken farm in Northern New Jersey, that makes things pretty easy, huh?
  • Did you know someone can find your dating site profile photo on other websites, if you’re using them everywhere? All it takes is a Google search. Make sure your dating profile pictures are unique, and use them only for dating sites.
  • Avoid posting a “daily routine.” If you post on your dating profile every day at 9:23 that you’re getting your caramel macchiato at Dunkin, people can probably figure out where you’re located (if you ever posted a status update with location data, if you ever posted a picture of the street where your Dunkin is located, etc.).
Make sure you’re not giving too much information away in your dating profiles. The point isn’t to be an un-find-able ghost everywhere but the dating site… just be aware of what you are sharing, and be safe in sharing. Never use a dating site to log into any other services and never use social media to log into a dating site. Using your Google account to log into a dating site might seem convenient… until you click some hidden option that suddenly reveals to all 958 of your Facebook friends that you’re very, very into the BDSM scene. Not that there’s anything wrong with BDSM — it’s just not something most people want their Great Aunt Tilly from Nebraska to see.

2. Use Your Sleuthing Skills

Most bad dates are just annoying. A REALLY bad date can be downright dangerous.
Most bad dates are just annoying. A REALLY bad date can be downright dangerous.
Search your potential partners. In this day and age, if you aren’t using social media in some form, you’re kind of weird (not quite creepy, but a little… odd). If you don’t find any evidence of their existence outside of their dating profile site… be cautious. They might be using an alias, and that’s usually a pretty bad sign. They might be married (super creeper!) or otherwise looking for trouble. They might also just be cautious and safe about their personal information, which is fine — see the previous point. You’re trying to do the same thing. So — how do you tell a creeper from a non-creeper, if everyone’s just trying to be cautious? A creeper will demand your personal info while providing little of their own. They’ll be pushy and rude about your personal info boundaries, all the while withholding from you. Learn to tell the difference between someone who’s just trying to play it safe on the Wild West of the Internet — and somebody who might not have your best interests at heart. It’s not easy, and anyone can make mistakes — but if you know what to look for, creeps will often send big red flags.

3. If Dating, Leave a Note

You never want these guys to be involved with your date... but if they HAVE to be, make it easier for them.
You never want these guys to be involved with your date… but if they HAVE to be, make it easier for them.
If you’re meeting someone for the first time, let a friend know exactly where and who you’re meeting. Plan to call this friend when the date’s over, and let the friend know to call the police if they don’t hear from you within a reasonable amount of hours. Hopefully, your friend will never have to make that call — but if they do, they’ll have enough information to help the police. Make sure to write down:
  • The name of the person you’re meeting.
  • How you met this person on the Internet and where (include their username and any other relevant info).
  • The place where you’re meeting.
  • Your phone number, and the phone number of the person you’re meeting.
  • The time you plan to call your friend to let them know the date went well.

4. Delete and Swap Your Profile If You Have To

If you’re getting a lot of harassing messages from someone on your account, you may have to abandon your old profile. You can try reporting the user to the dating service you’re using, but they’re not always helpful. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Besides, it’s annoying to wait weeks for them to get around to responding to your help request when you’re getting a bunch of nasty messages now. You can consider leaving your old profile up and active, without blocking your harasser. That way, there’s a greater possibility your harasser will think you’re still using your old profile, just ignoring them. Hopefully, the enticing old profile will keep them from looking for your new profile. Make sure to change your information and pictures — sorry, it sucks! Better safe than sorry, though. And be sure to block the person or people who were harassing you previously. They can probably make a new account, too — but at least if you block them, it might take them a bit longer to figure everything out.

Items for Staying Safe When You Date

Unfortunately, all the safety tips in the world aren’t always going to protect you. Sometimes you’ll meet bad people even when you’ve taken every precaution in the world. For even more protection, you should carry certain items with you.

Date Rape Drug Detection

Sabre Red Date Rape Drug Detection Coasters are great for nights at the bar. Although we all know to never leave a drink unattended, that doesn’t guarantee our safety. These testing strips provide a way to test for the most common date-rape drug, GHB.

EmergenSee: Self-Protection App

EmergenSee is a great way to make sure of your safety. This application provides a way for you to instantly transmit your data — video, audio, GPS location — to your contacts. If you’re in serious trouble, EmergenSee can help you alert the right people.

Pepper Spray

Police Magnum OC-17 Pen Design Pepper Spray with UV Dye, Black, .5-Ounce is an excellent product for two reasons. First — pepper spray is one of the best personal protection items you can buy. Second — this particular brand of pepper spray also contains UV dye. Tag your attacker with the spray, and the UV dye provides a way for the perpetrator to be identified.

GET OVER A CHEATER: WAYS TO DEAL

Before you worry about revenge (which you might want to reconsider anyway — revenge is almost never a good idea), worry about getting your own house in order. If you’re in a long-term relationship — or even married to — someone who has just been caught cheating on you, there are some things you want to do.

1. Stay Calm

domestic-violenceAbove all, try to stay calm and don’t do anything you’ll regret later. Emotions run high, and you want to take the upper ground. You are in the right here. Even if you have been hurt, you can still abuse your right until you’ve turned it into a wrong. You can be cold, distant and withdrawn from your cheating partner — but do not get angry, start yelling or get physical.

It’s wrong, first of all, and second of all… it can only hurt you worse in the end. Is it worth going to jail for your cheating partner? Don’t hurt or threaten them, don’t destroy their stuff, don’t do anything other than act like a calm, collected human.

2. Health

A.1 Sexually Transmitted Infections

GET TESTED! Make sure you’re healthy. Your partner has not been honest with you about many things, so unfortunately, an unfaithful significant other could potentially damage your health. If cost is a concern, you can go to Planned Parenthood or a similar low-cost clinic. Get tested ASAP. Do not wait. If you did get an STI, getting treatment early could save your fertility and prevent numerous complications.

B.2 Personal Safety

If you have to confront your partner and think there is even the slightest chance of your partner retaliating physically, do not confront your partner alone. Have at least two friends with you if you decide to confront them (make sure your friends are the calm and collected type, too — no need for hotheads). This goes for everyone. Your partner might decide to attack you, or they might call the police and report a domestic incident. Having witnesses to provide your side of the story can go a long way.

3. Passwords

online-banking-securityChange the passwords for your e-mail, cell phone account, bank accounts and anything else that’s in your name that your partner could have had access to. Make a list of all your passwords: focus on the important stuff like cell phone and bank account first, but don’t forget Facebook and Instagram either — you don’t want a spurned ex sending porn to your boss via your Facebook, after all. That’s a seriously awkward conversation at best. Never, ever forget to change the Netflix password.

If your partner has tried to gain access to your personal accouts or information before, you’ll have to take it a step further. Turn on “two factor authentication” on your important accounts — you’ll get a verification text anytime you try to sign in on those accounts. You can also contact your bank and other places where you have an account and ask them to make a note that someone may try to compromise your account. Your ex has a lot of your personal information; if they decide to be vindictive in this way, you’ll want to be prepared.

4. Valuables

Pack up anything valuable or sentimental and find somewhere to store it. Do so on the sly, if you haven’t confronted your partner and you don’t plan to do so. You don’t want your partner asking why you’re moving twelve boxes out of the apartment, after all. But if you can sneak a couple sentimentally valued items out, do it! People can be vindictive and anything you don’t want destroyed, make sure it’s safe.

That said… make sure you’re taking YOUR items, not their items or any valuable shared items. This is especially the case if you’re married and your assets are highly co-mingled. There will be a time to sort out who owns what later. Taking something that’s not yours (even unintentionally) can make your life harder later on.

5. Let It Go

let-it-goDon’t start rumors. Don’t start drama. When the cheater inevitably gets a new beau, don’t approach that person and inform them of their partner’s past cheating habits. Don’t blow up Facebook or spew your personal business across Twitter. First of all, it doesn’t look good to anyone aside from vindictive, petty individuals. Second, you’re only prolonging your own hurt. The sooner you can move forward and move past this, the sooner you’ll feel better.

The obvious exception is when the cheater shacks up with a close friend or someone you care about. In these situations you can approach with care, but do realize not everyone will want your help. Many people believe it’ll be different for them with someone who cheated in the past — and sometimes, sure, it can work like that. Often not, though — so make sure you’re available with a shoulder to cry on later if you want to keep the friendship open!

The worst thing you can do is take some kind of vengeance on your partner. Destroying their stuff can cost you big-time when you’re held civilly liable in court later on. It’s not worth it. Is your cheating partner worth going to jail or paying fines? Do you want to get taken to court and have to pay them a bunch of money for stuff you destroyed?

6. Stay Un-involved

Right after you learn someone has cheated, it’s pretty easy to walk away. You’re hurt and angry. But as time passes, you might be tempted toward forgiveness, or even getting back together. If you chose to leave someone over their infidelity, you need to stick with your decision for a while. Make sure you really want to go back before you go back. It can be really hard to separate yourself from someone you loved… but it might be for your own good in the long run. If, after some time of separation, you really feel it’s for the best to get back with your partner, you can do it. Just make sure it’s really what you want and not a decision made with cloudy judgment. Only you know what’s best for you, so it’s important to make sure you’re making your decision with a clear head.

7. Bonus Marriage Tip

marriageSave your evidence before you confront your partner. Take pictures of receipts for dinners you think they had with their side-piece. Get copies of the phone bills and credit cards, if you have access to that material normally. Take pictures of your shared living space, your valuables, etc. Again you are legally entangled with this person now, and unfortunately divorces can be very messy. Make sure you cover your own bases — your partner will not!

Remember: if you’re married, you have made a legal obligation to your partner. No matter what they have done, you still have that legal obligation until you are divorced by a court of law. Be very, very careful about locking someone out of co-mingled assets. It rarely looks good, and can even open you up to further trouble (it won’t look good to the divorce judge, and it might even be illegal in some cases). If you’re married, the rules are totally different — and you could get in serious trouble for draining joint bank accounts, preventing access to a home, and similar. If you’re married and you discover your partner has cheated, lawyer up immediately if you want to end the relationship. No one can advise you better than a lawyer.

5 Ways To Creep Out Any Girl

If you are a fan of CreepyCupid, or if you’re just having a really, really awful date and want to ensure that the female sitting across the table from you will never speak to you again, you may be wondering how to creep out a woman sufficiently. Though most guys (and girls) have creepy habits, these five options will definitely have girls running faster than Olympic marathoners.

  1. Openly discuss a fetish on the first date. Want to be a creep? Go ahead. Talk to her about her feet. Or, better still, come to the date in a full gimp suit. This will definitely raise an eyebrow.
  2. Make sure that you bring up mommy issues ASAP. Nothing is more creepy to a girl than finding out that her potential date has a major Oedipal complex. In fact, any sort of major, deep-rooted issues pertaining to a bizarre, messed up relationship with your mom will work out great. If she has any common sense whatsoever, she’ll bolt.
  3. Stare. You know the type of stare I’m talking about. It’s the same stare that one would imagine John Wayne Gacy, Ed Gein, or the local neighborhood peeping tom would do. Make sure to not stop doing it, and don’t say anything while you do it.
  4. If you are in a public area, make sure that you ask inappropriate questions. If she feels uncomfortable and tries to change the subject, make sure to return to the subject. Nothing is creepier than disrespecting boundaries.
  5. Act like a stereotypical desperate person. Make sure to let girls know that you are looking for the mother of their baby. You need babies. Lots of babies. Right now. RIGHT NOW. Make sure to call them a million times after the date, text them incessantly, and do anything possible to bug them. Perfect!

Creepy Letters Ruined NJ Dream Home, Couple Says

VIA: Courthouse News Service

ELIZABETH, N.J. (CN) – A couple sold their Westfield, N.J., home for $1.3 million but never advertised that the property came with threatening letters from someone who calls himself “The Watcher,” the new buyers claim in court.

Though the June 2 complaint in Union County Superior Court identifies both the original and new owners of the six-bedroom home in Westfield, Courthouse News has redacted those names and the address out of respect for the families’ privacy. As the parents of three children, the plaintiffs say that the bizarre letters they have received from an unknown person fixated on their home has left them too scared to move in. “Currently, plaintiffs are in the process of selling the home as they are unable to live in the home without extreme anxiety and fear for their children’s safety and well being,” the 30-page complaint states. “However, Plaintiffs are having trouble selling the home as interested parties, once notified of the letters, no longer view the property as a safe home.”
The first of three letters arrived on June 5, 2014, three days after the closing, and quickly revealed “‘The Watcher’s mentally disturbed fixation and claim to possession and/or ownership of the home,” according to the complaint.
All told, the letters are “the epitome of extreme and outrageous conduct so severe in degree as to go beyond all possible bounds of decency and to be regarded as atrocious and utterly intolerable in a civilized society,” the complaint states. Telling the new buyers that the property “has been the subject of my family for decades,” The Watcher allegedly claimed to have been “put in charge of watching and waiting for its second coming.”
“Why are you here? I will find out,” the letter continues, as quoted in the complaint.

The plaintiffs say The Watcher also wrote that “I asked the [previous owners] to bring me young blood,” and said that “once I know their names, I will call to them and draw them too [sic] me.”
Two more letters, dated June 18 and July 18, “were in the same vein as the first letter,” the complaint states.
“I am pleased to know your names now and the name of the young blood you have brought to me,” one allegedly said. “Who has the bedrooms facing the street? I’ll know as soon as you move in.”
The Watcher also said, according to the complaint, “it will help me to know who is in which bedroom, then I can plan better.”
Adding to the ominous words is the implication that The Watcher has been stalking the new tenants, according to the complaint.
“All of the windows and doors … allow me to watch you and track you as you move through the house,” The Watcher allegedly wrote. After remarking that the plaintiffs had made the home “so fancy,” The Watcher said “it cries for the past and what used to be in the time when I roamed its halls,” the complaint states. The plaintiffs say that they “have been consumed daily by stress, anxiety, and fear regarding what The Watcher will do.” Since the previous owners were selling in the high-end market, they “should have known that ‘peace of mind’ and ‘security’ were and are of paramount importance to plaintiffs,” the complaint states.
Nevertheless, the sellers allegedly concealed that they received a letter from The Watcher over a week before the closing, on May 26, in which The Watcher “noted there would be a new family moving into the home and who claimed a right of possession and/or ownership to the home.”
The sellers were “so desperate to sell the million dollar home, [they] knowingly and willfully failed to disclose to [them] this disturbing letter,” knowing “the materiality of such disclosure and the very high likelihood if not absolute certainty that such disclosure would defeat the transaction,” according to the complaint.
Fulfillment of their duty to divulge this information would have kept the plaintiffs from finding themselves “mired in their present nightmare,” the complaint states. “Here, the suppression of the truth when it clearly should have been disclosed is equivalent to the expression of falsehood,” the plaintiffs add. Compounding The Watcher’s effect on the plaintiffs ability to market the home for resale is a “significant reduction in the market price of the home [and] sizable expenses and costs incurred in carrying a mortgage, taxes and insurance on the home from the time of closing,” according to the complaint.
Westfield is a New York City bedroom community of just over 30,000 people. Neighborhood Scout, a city data site, ranked the town as the 24th safest city to live in the United States last year.
The complaint names the sellers as defendants, as well as Chicago Title Insurance Company and A Absolute Escrow Settlement Company. Neither returned a request for comment. The plaintiffs seek damages for fraud and breach of contract, claiming that they “are entitled to a refund of the entire purchase price [of the home] with interest, while also being entitled to retain fee title to the home.”
They are represented by Lee Levitt of Parsippany, N.J.