Translates to: “Anyone new I haven’t made out with already?”

Girl after a Breakup: “It’s time for a change.”

Translates to: ” I need a haircut and a vacation and I swear to God if I do not Eat, Pray, Love, Julia Roberts is getting a beat down.”

Girl about Another Girl: “She’s cute.”

Two Translations…

Translates to: “She isn’t that cute but she is my friend and she is really smart and funny.” orrrr it means,

“Ewww, she is gross, but if I don’t say this, they are gonna call me a hater again.”

Girl to her friend when finding out she is going back to an Ex: “I’ll be here to support you no matter what you decide.”

Translates to: “Are you F-ing serious, I am writing an anonymous note to your mother. I know you are not this dumb!”

Girl about a Song: “Omg, I love this song!!!!!!”

Translates to: “I’m so super sloppy druuuuunk!”

Girl on the Perfect Guy: “I want a guy who is ripped, chizzled, and manly. But also, has a sensitive side and cares about what I have to say.”

Translates to: “Gay guys are so lucky.”

Guy to Girl: “I don’t like skinny girls, I like a girl with a little meat on her bones…”

Translates to: “You know your no sketator, you are borderline, so if we date, it ends here. NO CHEAT DAYS or CARB SUNDAYS.”

Guys Say: ” I like a girl who is low maintenance, natural, not a lot of makeup. ”

Translates to: “Kim Kardashian is the hottest chick on the planet”

Guy to Guy Friend: “Ugh, this girl keeps blowing me up. She wants it.”

Translates to: ” I mean, I text her every single weekday, all day. But ya know when the weekend comes I like to throw her off with a little hard to get and make her think she is nuts.”

Guy About a Friend that is a Girl: ” No, no, it’s not like that. She is awesome. Like one of my best friends. She can totally be one of the guys but she just so happens to be ridiculously hot too. I could never date her.”

Translates to: “I am a moron.”