I’m Really Into Trilogies

I only have 2 bodies in my basement and am really into trilogies, so, assuming you still have both your kidneys (you do, right?) we should totally hang out. For out first date I was thinking of taking you to a brewery. After the wheat blows up your (wheat allergy? Celiac disease? Other?) I’ll give you loads of benadryl to ‘help.’ Once we get your groggy ass back to my place I’ll tie you up and torture you (by reading the endings to all the books you’ve been meaning to read). Also, just to keep it light, I’ll dip my balls in ink and teabag you. It may not sound funny now – but in the moment you’re going to die laughing, literally. If that doesn’t do it. Chocolate*. Okay – that’s all I got for making sure you remember which guy to whom you should respond. Me, obv. The guy your roommate and you will soon refer to as “wait the killer guy? You’re going out with him!?” To wit you will reply, snarkily; “they’re my kidneys, I’ll do with them as I please.” Assuming I have your attention, hi. I’m [[Name]]. Aside from writing weird notes to get girl’s attention on the interwebs, I’m a lawyer and occasional lush. I’m perfecting the perfect chocolate ice cream and have taken to buying chocolate from Cacao- the fancy chocolate store in Atlanta. What’s your situation? [[Name]] *death by

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